Just how important is closure? Why do we need it? And why do we deseve it?
Imagine watching one of your most anticipated movie which ends after 3/4 of the movie, reading your favourite book with the last 3 pages torn out, a great drama serial and not being able to catch the last episode, taking an examination but never knowing the results; or a doctor does a test on you and he just tells you the results are inconclusive or that he shrugs and say "I don't know." for instance. Would anybody be satisfied with an answer which is ambiguous and vague to the anticipation of the ending, good or bad. Not knowing the ending or conclusion is very frustrating.
A closure is defined in the dictionary to be "a bringing to an end; conclusion."; "the tendency to see an entire figure even though the picture of it is incomplete, based primarily on the viewer's past experience", "a sense of psychological certainty or completeness" Huh? Basically it speaks about knowledge of an ending or conclusion.
Unfortunately, in many break-ups, closure is not given either by the male or female, simply because they want out; via escapism or simply saying "it's me, not you" or "it just isn't working out" And then the magical question "WHY?" Truth is, no actual truth will be given.
In the relationship or marriage, one decides to leave, divorce, or just separate when all seemed fine and dandy with little arguments here and there. The closure they give is almost like saying, "take it or leave it, I just don't want to be with you anymore" ..... because???? love has diminished? you committed adultry? You want freedom? You met someone else? I'm too much for you?! (but usually if the problem lies with you, he would be blatantly honest, trust me)
Suddenly, nonchalance, evasiveness, and the disability to care seems to be their fortè. To find closure is impossible unless you are a mind-reader. To give closure truly is a sign of respect and bravery.
I once dated a guy whom I enjoyed my time with so much, and one day he decided he wanted out, saying he was not heading the same direction as me. I wanted commitment and my final and actual desire is to marry someone whom I love. I did love him, but he had the guts at least to be honest and told me marriage is not for him or at least he didn't see himself getting married to me, and he loved dating me, except it was going to be a waste of my time and opportunities. I truly respect this man; even though I was heart broken, the closure was given, and we are still in contact, amicable and he even confides in me with regards to him present girl-friend and problems.
And then there were those who totally disappear, no reason, no respect for others, and even if there was a reason; a real meaningless one which warrants a tight slap and a brain re-examination. I suspect such people have absolutely no EQ nor IQ.
Reasons why people want a closure is to know what went wrong, who's fault it was, how life should change, or at least a warning of whom not to look for and what you'd never want in your next partner. (Disclaimer; when the closure given is not as retarded as "I just hate the way you sleep, your cooking, your stupidity", or the classic "you love to argue when I just want peace" which in this case we will know cannot be accepted as the truth simply because it's plain stupid.)
A marriage or relationship cannot end suddenly. It shouldn't. Unless of course one believes in "not up to my standards, then scram" or "Nah, I just don't love you enough". and the classic "We're just too different, we're not compatible". WHAT THE?!??!??! What in the world happened to resolving problems, or simply thinking-through-before-action? And the best, what the hell were these people doing while dating? NOT compatible? Too different?? Couldn't this have been realised LONG BEFORE? The poor other individual will not only be given non-closure, a rude shock, but also a very lowlife mentality, and unable to move on, because they tend to take such ridiculous reasons for real. Reason? They trusted their partners too much. And these abandoner's/cowards/escapists ought to be shot, amputated, have brain damage or simply go Mars and live there. They have just damaged a life, a dream, a hope and a promise to someone whom they actually claimed to love, took the whole relationship for real, loved for real, only to be given such a rude shock while the other party walks away feeling like a king.
Imagine watching one of your most anticipated movie which ends after 3/4 of the movie, reading your favourite book with the last 3 pages torn out, a great drama serial and not being able to catch the last episode, taking an examination but never knowing the results; or a doctor does a test on you and he just tells you the results are inconclusive or that he shrugs and say "I don't know." for instance. Would anybody be satisfied with an answer which is ambiguous and vague to the anticipation of the ending, good or bad. Not knowing the ending or conclusion is very frustrating.
A closure is defined in the dictionary to be "a bringing to an end; conclusion."; "the tendency to see an entire figure even though the picture of it is incomplete, based primarily on the viewer's past experience", "a sense of psychological certainty or completeness" Huh? Basically it speaks about knowledge of an ending or conclusion.
Unfortunately, in many break-ups, closure is not given either by the male or female, simply because they want out; via escapism or simply saying "it's me, not you" or "it just isn't working out" And then the magical question "WHY?" Truth is, no actual truth will be given.
In the relationship or marriage, one decides to leave, divorce, or just separate when all seemed fine and dandy with little arguments here and there. The closure they give is almost like saying, "take it or leave it, I just don't want to be with you anymore" ..... because???? love has diminished? you committed adultry? You want freedom? You met someone else? I'm too much for you?! (but usually if the problem lies with you, he would be blatantly honest, trust me)
Suddenly, nonchalance, evasiveness, and the disability to care seems to be their fortè. To find closure is impossible unless you are a mind-reader. To give closure truly is a sign of respect and bravery.
I once dated a guy whom I enjoyed my time with so much, and one day he decided he wanted out, saying he was not heading the same direction as me. I wanted commitment and my final and actual desire is to marry someone whom I love. I did love him, but he had the guts at least to be honest and told me marriage is not for him or at least he didn't see himself getting married to me, and he loved dating me, except it was going to be a waste of my time and opportunities. I truly respect this man; even though I was heart broken, the closure was given, and we are still in contact, amicable and he even confides in me with regards to him present girl-friend and problems.
And then there were those who totally disappear, no reason, no respect for others, and even if there was a reason; a real meaningless one which warrants a tight slap and a brain re-examination. I suspect such people have absolutely no EQ nor IQ.
Reasons why people want a closure is to know what went wrong, who's fault it was, how life should change, or at least a warning of whom not to look for and what you'd never want in your next partner. (Disclaimer; when the closure given is not as retarded as "I just hate the way you sleep, your cooking, your stupidity", or the classic "you love to argue when I just want peace" which in this case we will know cannot be accepted as the truth simply because it's plain stupid.)
A marriage or relationship cannot end suddenly. It shouldn't. Unless of course one believes in "not up to my standards, then scram" or "Nah, I just don't love you enough". and the classic "We're just too different, we're not compatible". WHAT THE?!??!??! What in the world happened to resolving problems, or simply thinking-through-before-action? And the best, what the hell were these people doing while dating? NOT compatible? Too different?? Couldn't this have been realised LONG BEFORE? The poor other individual will not only be given non-closure, a rude shock, but also a very lowlife mentality, and unable to move on, because they tend to take such ridiculous reasons for real. Reason? They trusted their partners too much. And these abandoner's/cowards/escapists ought to be shot, amputated, have brain damage or simply go Mars and live there. They have just damaged a life, a dream, a hope and a promise to someone whom they actually claimed to love, took the whole relationship for real, loved for real, only to be given such a rude shock while the other party walks away feeling like a king.
No comments:
Post a Comment