Someone recently commented that I couldn't wait to marry because I was so in love with the idea of being married. I do not deny loving the idea of being in love, having someone to share my life with, being interdependent on each other, and doing things together. Which also doesn't mean anyone will do. No Tom, Dick nor Harry is able to do so, and if done that way, I'd rather not be in love, simply because I can't even start loving. Isn't it a distasteful thought to be in the same room who irritates the day lights out of you, who cannot stop getting you disgusted with the 'love' he/she is trying to show in hope for some reciprocation?
So essentially, to love being in love is not wrong, it's only gonna make one feel better loved and to have a high-confidence to love wholeheartedly. If one detests being in love either has excess baggage or emotionally low self-esteem. And these people shouldn't mislead anyone from sexual attraction as love. That is blatantly lying to oneself and cheating the other individual's feelings; buy a sex toy instead.
I feel it's rather unconditional and self-respecting to love someone I find that I am attracted to and like very much, to love and is reciprocated; this love is one which grows and is very difficult to break. I never believed in anyone enjoying being in love hence taking any passing fish in the sea to love. That is the ingredient for a relationship or marriage failure.
I will not and will never attempt to show love for someone for the sake of being in love or even marriage for that matter. Simply because love is an emotion. It was ingrained into us as babies. Our mothers use touch and their voice to show their love. And we learn that love involves touch and communication. The father is also of course another important factor to show love. If both parents are loving to the child, the child will learn to love without obligation or with a deliberately unwilling attempt.
Ever heard of broken families produce children who do not know how to love or are unable to express themselves? Simply because love has not been presented to them nor committed to them by a pair of loving parents. If a child is brought up by a single parent they learn to detest being in love, or simply trust every word their estranged parent says about love. They take this parent as an example of how marriages fail and hence, inevitably and subconsciously ruin their own love relationships. This can also be due to their unrealistic expectations since they never had a realistic example to prove what a marriage really is. To them, a relationship or marriage is either all candy, dandy and perfect, or one that is doomed to fail.
I was brought up with loving parents, who loved all 3 of us, gave us enough attention; care and concern and protected us from external hurt and fed helpful advice. We now view love realistically that whether in a relationship or marriage that the good and bad exist. I also know from them that there is never ever a perfect love or marriage. We are still our own person even though bounded by love. Whereas when hard times come about "for better or worse", they both share the difficulties as well as problems.
Hence, the easiest way for anyone who is confident and able to love wholeheartedly is to understand candies are for kids, hearty balloons for new couples. Quarrels and fights (NOT ABUSE) are inevitable and is the only possible way to nurture the relationship and also to teach their children that couplehood is not always all about lovey-dovey, kisses and hugs.
Children also know from young that when they do not do well in school, behave badly, or disappoint their parents that their parents do not hate them, and they only lecture them out of love. Parents are the ultimate examples children learn from since young. If violence is apparent in that marriage, the children will adopt violence as a solution to problems. If divorce is the easy way out for their parents or escaping from the family problems leading to desertion, they easily grasp the concept of that as the solution to their future spouse. Fair? Fair if the child grew up not able to differentiate right from wrong or recognise the route and solutions their parents have chosen should not be adopted by them as well. Unfair, because they got someone hurt. They have this capability of not being able to love willingly and unconditionally because violence or desertion or escapism is their version of love.
My father told me he never grew up with his father because his mother was abandoned by my 'grandfather'. She brought 4 children up single-handedly yet extremely lovingly and the model grandma. Dad was the eldest and had to work his ass off to help out. He did not have a father figure to look up to or to respect or learn from at all even from the time he ever remembered anything from childhood. He told me men like him and even men who come from unbalanced families can learn to eventually be responsible and learn to be a husband, a good one in dad's case, a respectable one and a very nurturing father. He told me he is still learning and will always be learning. When my eldest sibling was born, he learnt to be a father and a husband to a wife who was a new mother. But when my second sibling was born, he learnt from experience, but because it was now again his first time being a father to THIS baby, it was all a new learning curve again. And then came me; which was once and again a brand new lesson to learn.
In fact in all relationships people enter into, it is never comparable and never should be compared to the last one, simply because it is NEVER THE SAME. No two relationships are ever the same. And IF that individual feels that the same problem arises again and again in all the relationships they get into, then it's time to admit that the problem does not lie with the people they choose to be in a relationship with; but there is a problem with themselves not having enough guts to choose to let go of the past and start anew, just like every baby is a brand new life, never the same as another, or a natural catastrophe is never the same as the previous disaster.
As for me, I love being in love, looking at my parents so in love after 35 years of marriage, countless arguments, tolerance and new experiences with different children, they are definitely my role model enough for me to say that I DO love the idea of being in love and would love the idea of a marriage with someone I can give my all to and be reciprocated in some way because we will be madly in love with each other. I aim to be better than my parents and become a role model couple.
Remember; never marry or date someone simply because of loving the idea or feeling of simply being in love or wanting to marry as if it's an experiment or to get out of the house. I have met 3 siblings who grew up in a family with an escapist absent parent and a quite perfectionist and demanding parent whom isn't all too self-sacrificing... let's just say an opposite of my grandma. One got married and is a responsible man a loving father to a daughter which came from his wife's previous marriage; the other is a learning to be a loving and responsible father, and one is unrealistic in terms of expectations; a chilled-out candy-dandy chaser, a deserter and no doubt responsible to his truly loved ones, but a disappointing other-half. So, it is never impossible that a 'bad' or 'unfair' childhood produces children who are hopeless... well, at least the is 1 1/2 of them turned out well.
It is simply unjustifiable to say that I got married simply because I loved the idea and feeling of loving and having a husband. How insulting, for if that was the case I would probably have been married or loved randomly picked people far too many times.
So essentially, to love being in love is not wrong, it's only gonna make one feel better loved and to have a high-confidence to love wholeheartedly. If one detests being in love either has excess baggage or emotionally low self-esteem. And these people shouldn't mislead anyone from sexual attraction as love. That is blatantly lying to oneself and cheating the other individual's feelings; buy a sex toy instead.
I feel it's rather unconditional and self-respecting to love someone I find that I am attracted to and like very much, to love and is reciprocated; this love is one which grows and is very difficult to break. I never believed in anyone enjoying being in love hence taking any passing fish in the sea to love. That is the ingredient for a relationship or marriage failure.
I will not and will never attempt to show love for someone for the sake of being in love or even marriage for that matter. Simply because love is an emotion. It was ingrained into us as babies. Our mothers use touch and their voice to show their love. And we learn that love involves touch and communication. The father is also of course another important factor to show love. If both parents are loving to the child, the child will learn to love without obligation or with a deliberately unwilling attempt.
Ever heard of broken families produce children who do not know how to love or are unable to express themselves? Simply because love has not been presented to them nor committed to them by a pair of loving parents. If a child is brought up by a single parent they learn to detest being in love, or simply trust every word their estranged parent says about love. They take this parent as an example of how marriages fail and hence, inevitably and subconsciously ruin their own love relationships. This can also be due to their unrealistic expectations since they never had a realistic example to prove what a marriage really is. To them, a relationship or marriage is either all candy, dandy and perfect, or one that is doomed to fail.
I was brought up with loving parents, who loved all 3 of us, gave us enough attention; care and concern and protected us from external hurt and fed helpful advice. We now view love realistically that whether in a relationship or marriage that the good and bad exist. I also know from them that there is never ever a perfect love or marriage. We are still our own person even though bounded by love. Whereas when hard times come about "for better or worse", they both share the difficulties as well as problems.
Hence, the easiest way for anyone who is confident and able to love wholeheartedly is to understand candies are for kids, hearty balloons for new couples. Quarrels and fights (NOT ABUSE) are inevitable and is the only possible way to nurture the relationship and also to teach their children that couplehood is not always all about lovey-dovey, kisses and hugs.
Children also know from young that when they do not do well in school, behave badly, or disappoint their parents that their parents do not hate them, and they only lecture them out of love. Parents are the ultimate examples children learn from since young. If violence is apparent in that marriage, the children will adopt violence as a solution to problems. If divorce is the easy way out for their parents or escaping from the family problems leading to desertion, they easily grasp the concept of that as the solution to their future spouse. Fair? Fair if the child grew up not able to differentiate right from wrong or recognise the route and solutions their parents have chosen should not be adopted by them as well. Unfair, because they got someone hurt. They have this capability of not being able to love willingly and unconditionally because violence or desertion or escapism is their version of love.
My father told me he never grew up with his father because his mother was abandoned by my 'grandfather'. She brought 4 children up single-handedly yet extremely lovingly and the model grandma. Dad was the eldest and had to work his ass off to help out. He did not have a father figure to look up to or to respect or learn from at all even from the time he ever remembered anything from childhood. He told me men like him and even men who come from unbalanced families can learn to eventually be responsible and learn to be a husband, a good one in dad's case, a respectable one and a very nurturing father. He told me he is still learning and will always be learning. When my eldest sibling was born, he learnt to be a father and a husband to a wife who was a new mother. But when my second sibling was born, he learnt from experience, but because it was now again his first time being a father to THIS baby, it was all a new learning curve again. And then came me; which was once and again a brand new lesson to learn.
In fact in all relationships people enter into, it is never comparable and never should be compared to the last one, simply because it is NEVER THE SAME. No two relationships are ever the same. And IF that individual feels that the same problem arises again and again in all the relationships they get into, then it's time to admit that the problem does not lie with the people they choose to be in a relationship with; but there is a problem with themselves not having enough guts to choose to let go of the past and start anew, just like every baby is a brand new life, never the same as another, or a natural catastrophe is never the same as the previous disaster.
As for me, I love being in love, looking at my parents so in love after 35 years of marriage, countless arguments, tolerance and new experiences with different children, they are definitely my role model enough for me to say that I DO love the idea of being in love and would love the idea of a marriage with someone I can give my all to and be reciprocated in some way because we will be madly in love with each other. I aim to be better than my parents and become a role model couple.
Remember; never marry or date someone simply because of loving the idea or feeling of simply being in love or wanting to marry as if it's an experiment or to get out of the house. I have met 3 siblings who grew up in a family with an escapist absent parent and a quite perfectionist and demanding parent whom isn't all too self-sacrificing... let's just say an opposite of my grandma. One got married and is a responsible man a loving father to a daughter which came from his wife's previous marriage; the other is a learning to be a loving and responsible father, and one is unrealistic in terms of expectations; a chilled-out candy-dandy chaser, a deserter and no doubt responsible to his truly loved ones, but a disappointing other-half. So, it is never impossible that a 'bad' or 'unfair' childhood produces children who are hopeless... well, at least the is 1 1/2 of them turned out well.
It is simply unjustifiable to say that I got married simply because I loved the idea and feeling of loving and having a husband. How insulting, for if that was the case I would probably have been married or loved randomly picked people far too many times.
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