Some ask, why do I share my thoughts and feelings about love, relationships, marriages or matters of the like and then publish them like my word are God-sent or that I'm an expert in this topic. Well, I'm merely sharing the hypothetical.
No, I am no expert in this topic; neither am I a self-righteous egomaniac who expects full agreement from anyone, yes, I stress, ANYONE. On the contrary, I am not even close to being eligible to comment on these thought. Take it that I'm speaking as a jaded, despondent, babe in woods individual sharing failures to the all. I do not force my thoughts to any particular individual, so that that some points I raise could be the very situation you are in and that I have hit the right spot.
For those living in the current era would probably have heard that love is all about give and take. Really? Who's giving and who's taking? Or are the roles switched for suitable occasions? Of course I do not rebuke that advice; however, when 2 are involved, who is the referee to blow the whistle to warrant the taker to snigger and happily take and command the giver to grudgingly give? Alright, that was an exaggeration. In such instances, there is a high chance that the giver will end up giving most of the time, and the taker, taking advantage of the seasoned giver for granted, happily receives. Oh no... sounds like we have a Santa in the house.
Having said that, when do we know when to give and when to take? My guess, both parties have to give and take at the same time. Give forgiveness and pardon the mistake of the other party, and take part of the blame. A problem is a problem when someone knowingly or not has done wrong to the other and hence hurting the other, but because both are supposed to be a team, and of course being involved, both parties should bear the consequences. When issues arise, both parties can be equally right or wrong, or should at least share the faults. NO, I DO NOT defend those who commit adultery of betrayal of trust or to any unforgivable mistakes that is obvious enough for anyone to differentiate right from wrong. How many times people who commit adultery blame the other party for not satisfying them, or being absent and not giving emotional support, hence forcing the other to seek 'love' and 'solace out there. I am not one to judge if this is the right way to seek attention from the spouse, but one thing I know, their morals are absolutely wrong and have no justification for these actions.
Fortunately, we have all been given this valuable yet sometimes intervening feeling called 'guilt' and 'gut feel'. When guilt hits one, the tendency to lie, or escape is high. And this guilt can snowball problems from one as tiny as a pebble to as huge as an iceberg (and I'm not referring to the tip). For instance, a man may present his wife/girlfriend with a huge bunch of her favourite flowers "for no apparent reason" (Disclaimer, don't jump on him and be highly suspicious if it is a special occasion, don't misconstrue my words). The fine line, there IS a tugging guilt in him to see the need to pacify her hopefully to suppress any guilt he has within him for some mistake she might even be oblivious to. This is his form of appeasing and gaining 'forgiveness', and often one's gut feel will sense something is amiss. This, of course is not exclusive to the male, but also to the female of the species, and their tactics are usually of a different kind; like offering more intimacy, being extraordinarily accommodating and tolerant to the usual things that he does which irks her.
The smart thing to do is (1) act normally as you would (2) don't be extra accommodating (3) don't pick on your other half (4) get a divorce (5) murder the spouse (6) be monogamous and faithful. Whichever your choice, well at least it solves the problem right?
Oh, and of course, have a Merry Christmas!
No, I am no expert in this topic; neither am I a self-righteous egomaniac who expects full agreement from anyone, yes, I stress, ANYONE. On the contrary, I am not even close to being eligible to comment on these thought. Take it that I'm speaking as a jaded, despondent, babe in woods individual sharing failures to the all. I do not force my thoughts to any particular individual, so that that some points I raise could be the very situation you are in and that I have hit the right spot.
For those living in the current era would probably have heard that love is all about give and take. Really? Who's giving and who's taking? Or are the roles switched for suitable occasions? Of course I do not rebuke that advice; however, when 2 are involved, who is the referee to blow the whistle to warrant the taker to snigger and happily take and command the giver to grudgingly give? Alright, that was an exaggeration. In such instances, there is a high chance that the giver will end up giving most of the time, and the taker, taking advantage of the seasoned giver for granted, happily receives. Oh no... sounds like we have a Santa in the house.
Having said that, when do we know when to give and when to take? My guess, both parties have to give and take at the same time. Give forgiveness and pardon the mistake of the other party, and take part of the blame. A problem is a problem when someone knowingly or not has done wrong to the other and hence hurting the other, but because both are supposed to be a team, and of course being involved, both parties should bear the consequences. When issues arise, both parties can be equally right or wrong, or should at least share the faults. NO, I DO NOT defend those who commit adultery of betrayal of trust or to any unforgivable mistakes that is obvious enough for anyone to differentiate right from wrong. How many times people who commit adultery blame the other party for not satisfying them, or being absent and not giving emotional support, hence forcing the other to seek 'love' and 'solace out there. I am not one to judge if this is the right way to seek attention from the spouse, but one thing I know, their morals are absolutely wrong and have no justification for these actions.
Fortunately, we have all been given this valuable yet sometimes intervening feeling called 'guilt' and 'gut feel'. When guilt hits one, the tendency to lie, or escape is high. And this guilt can snowball problems from one as tiny as a pebble to as huge as an iceberg (and I'm not referring to the tip). For instance, a man may present his wife/girlfriend with a huge bunch of her favourite flowers "for no apparent reason" (Disclaimer, don't jump on him and be highly suspicious if it is a special occasion, don't misconstrue my words). The fine line, there IS a tugging guilt in him to see the need to pacify her hopefully to suppress any guilt he has within him for some mistake she might even be oblivious to. This is his form of appeasing and gaining 'forgiveness', and often one's gut feel will sense something is amiss. This, of course is not exclusive to the male, but also to the female of the species, and their tactics are usually of a different kind; like offering more intimacy, being extraordinarily accommodating and tolerant to the usual things that he does which irks her.
The smart thing to do is (1) act normally as you would (2) don't be extra accommodating (3) don't pick on your other half (4) get a divorce (5) murder the spouse (6) be monogamous and faithful. Whichever your choice, well at least it solves the problem right?
Oh, and of course, have a Merry Christmas!
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