All the factors in a relationship come from the matter of compatibility. What in the world is that? People tend to think compatibility is all about 'looking good together'. Whenever we see a good looking couple, what right do we have to say they are in a happy relationship? Well of course looks are important, it creates an itching desire to try out and see if both are compatible for each other. Don't most relationships begin this way?
Never have I heard anyone saying "That guy/girl is so ugly, but that should mean they have a nice character, hence I think we should be compatible." The irony of it all, some truly happy couples really do fall into the category of one being a looker and the other more suitable with a doggy bag over the head.
The dictionary defines compatibility as "capable of existing or living together in harmony (in a relationship)" and character as " the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing; an account of the qualities or peculiarities of a person or thing; moral or ethical quality" (abstracted from well... a dictionary) Does it mean that if one is in love with Korean Drama serials and the other party as well, that they are compatible? Yes AND no. Well at least, there is no fighting over the remote control, but can this be considered to be love or compatibility in a relationship? Then in that case just too many people are compatible. So what if you have many similarities and hobbies or likes and pet peeves and happen to love each other. Great! But compatibility is not all about that. Have we ignored the characters of each individual?
Having similar preferences in hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. does not equate to character compatibility. In fact, in my opinion, character compatibility has little to do with enjoying similar activities and doing things together. Of course that would be a bonus.
Many match-making agencies tend to use family status, financial compatibility, looks, education levels, age and the most absurd so far; blood type to pair couples. Does it really work? Beats me. Well, of course these 'couples' have lesser differences in terms of their merits and characteristics. But can they get along and be able to live together?
The reason for many failed relationships and marriages are irreconciliable differences; so what if they both love rock-climbing, swimming, weight-lifting and what have you, those are just activities you can enjoy together, but it is often what's between our shoulders , our ethics and morals which is the talking point. Two can be very similar, of course, during good times, things are well.... fine and dandy. When an argument arises, 2 people with similar characters can be a disaster waiting to happen especially when both are strong willed, stubborn, unable to give and take, unwilling to compromise because they both think they are right and there is no room for compromise.
On the contrary, if both carry a cavity between their shoulders and do not have a mind of their own, there is no leadership in the relationship and both will just end up being aimless in life, with the common goal of not having a goal. These couples take the government as their leader and have the 2.4 kids, 1.3 cars, and live together aimlessly, and quite possibly no arguments can arise because both are so agreeable to each other.
I believe in how opposites attract. Well, at least one would have a stronger character to be the leader (hopefully this is the guy) and there would be a follower or they could exchange roles in differing situations. Both are able to input differing thoughts and solutions to problems they may encounter. "OOOOhh I didn't think of that!? You're awesome!"
Of course with that kind of differences, it would be inevitable to have more arguments, but at least each input of solutions differ and there will be more choices. Isn't that how couples learn to live in harmony? This comes with a disclaimer that the individuals have an open mind to accept differing points of view. Then there would be a higher chance of giving and taking with no grudges. This is not compatibility in terms of looks, status, bla bla bla, or shared activities, but more so character compatibility.
If both parties already like say.... roller-blading, cool! The initial periods would be fun doing activities together, but without that character compatibility, will that similar liking for roller-blading be their only reason to sustain the relationship? I don't think so, I think blading away from each other as fast as possible would be a smarter option.
Of course when once character compatibility is established, next comes the sharing of lives, experiences, thoughts, and being able to introduce new activities to do and take part in. I love sitting in front of my laptop (no prizes for guessing), sipping my wine, enjoying some nostalgic music or jazz, or new age, whichever that might suit my mood. This does not mean if my hypothetical other half prefers to get himself all muddy and chase a ball with 11 other men, that we are not compatible; perhaps in activities, but not necessarily in character.
Take my folks for instance. Dad loves... or rather devotes all his free time to travelling, even taking the MRT (which he finds amusing) but mum enjoys chatting on the phone, watching drama serials, karaoke or poking her nose in her lovely children's lives. However, once each are done with their activities, they get back together and share their activities of their day. I do not see dad karaoke-ing, neither do I see mum 'enjoying' MRT rides, but only taking it as a good alternative to driving and fighting for lots. I love the way they sometimes make fun of each other like the very type of relationship I would love to have. Dad now takes mum travelling too, and she is beginning to love it, not the food, but the change of weather and environment. Even at this age, they are still growing to love each other more and more just like a young couple. Dad also introduced mum to watching plays, and now she keeps a look out for any suitable plays and gets dad to go along with her.
They may not be compatible in the activities they prefer, however, their characters are on the same page. One is usually a giver (mum) and dad, a taker. But they are living together very happily (there is no bargaining or true equality in fairness in a happy relationship). I have heard and seen arguments between them, and how dad loves mocking mum in that child-like manner, and mum takes it with grace (and an angry face which eventually breaks out into a laughter). How the hell do you think this character compatibility is not true when they have 2 quite lovely boys and 1 totally endearing and lovely girl. Oh and I forgot to add, me, being the youngest, and the child they really didn't plan for, luckily for me, they both agreed that I was God's gift... TADAH!!!! Am I not?
Of course, mum could have given up on dad since she did have a better choice out there to be able to support her, but she chose dad since they each saw in them their futures together. They have faced bad and good times, struggled through life, worked like hell to be able to put some food on the table, but they stuck together, since they had that common goal, and character compatiblility to want to bring up great and respectable kids, and be able to provide for them.... The rest is history. Till today, they are still sticking by each other, loving each other till death do they part. *me so proud of them*
This is a obviously a highly debatable topic, and this is only my point of view, which of course you are entitled to -- or not.
Never have I heard anyone saying "That guy/girl is so ugly, but that should mean they have a nice character, hence I think we should be compatible." The irony of it all, some truly happy couples really do fall into the category of one being a looker and the other more suitable with a doggy bag over the head.
The dictionary defines compatibility as "capable of existing or living together in harmony (in a relationship)" and character as " the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing; an account of the qualities or peculiarities of a person or thing; moral or ethical quality" (abstracted from well... a dictionary) Does it mean that if one is in love with Korean Drama serials and the other party as well, that they are compatible? Yes AND no. Well at least, there is no fighting over the remote control, but can this be considered to be love or compatibility in a relationship? Then in that case just too many people are compatible. So what if you have many similarities and hobbies or likes and pet peeves and happen to love each other. Great! But compatibility is not all about that. Have we ignored the characters of each individual?
Having similar preferences in hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. does not equate to character compatibility. In fact, in my opinion, character compatibility has little to do with enjoying similar activities and doing things together. Of course that would be a bonus.
Many match-making agencies tend to use family status, financial compatibility, looks, education levels, age and the most absurd so far; blood type to pair couples. Does it really work? Beats me. Well, of course these 'couples' have lesser differences in terms of their merits and characteristics. But can they get along and be able to live together?
The reason for many failed relationships and marriages are irreconciliable differences; so what if they both love rock-climbing, swimming, weight-lifting and what have you, those are just activities you can enjoy together, but it is often what's between our shoulders , our ethics and morals which is the talking point. Two can be very similar, of course, during good times, things are well.... fine and dandy. When an argument arises, 2 people with similar characters can be a disaster waiting to happen especially when both are strong willed, stubborn, unable to give and take, unwilling to compromise because they both think they are right and there is no room for compromise.
On the contrary, if both carry a cavity between their shoulders and do not have a mind of their own, there is no leadership in the relationship and both will just end up being aimless in life, with the common goal of not having a goal. These couples take the government as their leader and have the 2.4 kids, 1.3 cars, and live together aimlessly, and quite possibly no arguments can arise because both are so agreeable to each other.
I believe in how opposites attract. Well, at least one would have a stronger character to be the leader (hopefully this is the guy) and there would be a follower or they could exchange roles in differing situations. Both are able to input differing thoughts and solutions to problems they may encounter. "OOOOhh I didn't think of that!? You're awesome!"
Of course with that kind of differences, it would be inevitable to have more arguments, but at least each input of solutions differ and there will be more choices. Isn't that how couples learn to live in harmony? This comes with a disclaimer that the individuals have an open mind to accept differing points of view. Then there would be a higher chance of giving and taking with no grudges. This is not compatibility in terms of looks, status, bla bla bla, or shared activities, but more so character compatibility.
If both parties already like say.... roller-blading, cool! The initial periods would be fun doing activities together, but without that character compatibility, will that similar liking for roller-blading be their only reason to sustain the relationship? I don't think so, I think blading away from each other as fast as possible would be a smarter option.
Of course when once character compatibility is established, next comes the sharing of lives, experiences, thoughts, and being able to introduce new activities to do and take part in. I love sitting in front of my laptop (no prizes for guessing), sipping my wine, enjoying some nostalgic music or jazz, or new age, whichever that might suit my mood. This does not mean if my hypothetical other half prefers to get himself all muddy and chase a ball with 11 other men, that we are not compatible; perhaps in activities, but not necessarily in character.
Take my folks for instance. Dad loves... or rather devotes all his free time to travelling, even taking the MRT (which he finds amusing) but mum enjoys chatting on the phone, watching drama serials, karaoke or poking her nose in her lovely children's lives. However, once each are done with their activities, they get back together and share their activities of their day. I do not see dad karaoke-ing, neither do I see mum 'enjoying' MRT rides, but only taking it as a good alternative to driving and fighting for lots. I love the way they sometimes make fun of each other like the very type of relationship I would love to have. Dad now takes mum travelling too, and she is beginning to love it, not the food, but the change of weather and environment. Even at this age, they are still growing to love each other more and more just like a young couple. Dad also introduced mum to watching plays, and now she keeps a look out for any suitable plays and gets dad to go along with her.
They may not be compatible in the activities they prefer, however, their characters are on the same page. One is usually a giver (mum) and dad, a taker. But they are living together very happily (there is no bargaining or true equality in fairness in a happy relationship). I have heard and seen arguments between them, and how dad loves mocking mum in that child-like manner, and mum takes it with grace (and an angry face which eventually breaks out into a laughter). How the hell do you think this character compatibility is not true when they have 2 quite lovely boys and 1 totally endearing and lovely girl. Oh and I forgot to add, me, being the youngest, and the child they really didn't plan for, luckily for me, they both agreed that I was God's gift... TADAH!!!! Am I not?
Of course, mum could have given up on dad since she did have a better choice out there to be able to support her, but she chose dad since they each saw in them their futures together. They have faced bad and good times, struggled through life, worked like hell to be able to put some food on the table, but they stuck together, since they had that common goal, and character compatiblility to want to bring up great and respectable kids, and be able to provide for them.... The rest is history. Till today, they are still sticking by each other, loving each other till death do they part. *me so proud of them*
This is a obviously a highly debatable topic, and this is only my point of view, which of course you are entitled to -- or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment